Have you ever had someone volunteer their opinion even when you didn’t ask them for it?
Maybe it’s just me. A couple weeks ago, I was sitting at a business dinner with some folks. The conversation was fairly light, as this was a casual gathering after we had attended a seminar. We all introduced ourselves and our business. I spoke of being the executive director of AYSIWG and kept it brief.
As soon as I finished speaking, someone sitting a few seats from me started asking me questions. And usually, I have no problem at all with being asked questions. However, in this case, his questions started with “Have you done…” and felt more like an interrogation than just curiosity. Obviously, he failed to realize that one of the worst ways to engage in conversation is to interrogate someone, especially someone you have never met before. By the third question, I realized what was happening, and I quickly countered with the statement: “If you are sincerely interested in learning about AYSIWG and its journey, maybe you should have a private one-on-one conversation with me. You’re asking me questions a coach would ask and just to be clear, you’re not my coach.” He was not qualified to counsel me. Even though he put himself in the position of “counsel,” what he thinks did not matter. What I think is everything!
Everything is energy. And once I realize that someone is trying to siphon energy from me with a controlling conversation, I immediately block it with a response. I want that person to be clear that attempting to drain my energy in that matter will not be tolerated. Ladies, you train people how to treat you. And in this case, this gentleman got trained.
I have coaches and I have mentors, and I take counsel from them because they are qualified. And ladies, that choice is yours. You decide whether someone is qualified to coach or mentor you. Are they where you want to be? Do they ask you questions without making assumptions?
Even in this day and age, some folks will put themselves in the position of “coach” and assume you are someone who needs to be coached by them. The quicker you set them straight, the quicker you can get to the reason of why you have met. Or maybe… just maybe that is the reason why. Hopefully, he will think twice the next time he makes assumptions.
Just a few thoughts…
Have a great week, Ladies!
P. S. – Feel free to share this with the ladies in your life.